In the News: Raucous Old Men Invade Beloved Coffeehouse (other updates included)

posted by pilgrimramblings, unofficial news reporter 

Tulsa —  A much heralded and artist friendly coffeehouse in the Cherry Street district of Tulsa, Oklahoma was invaded by a verbose and fulminating group of older men. The noise level reached so high that one witness said that she could no longer hear herself think.

The Coffeehouse on Cherry Street, normally a safehaven for aspiring artists and writers and an oasis for the caffiene-addicted, was abruptly transformed from a quiet and peaceful gathering of coffee drinkers into what one observer said “resembled a Friday night bingo tournament”. Daniel Sharples, a resident of Tulsa and frequent visitor to the shop, stated that he had never experienced such a troubling event in his entire life prior to today’s incident. “I am a writer, and usually I can deal with distractions in my given environment, but what happened in there was a cacaphony of sounds that I never want to hear again. The noise was penetrating, it ruined all my attempts to write today.”

All attempts to subdue the men failed, various customers glanced angrily at the congregation, others cleared their throats multiple times to convey that they were annoyed. At one point, the owner of the store walked over to the group and appeared to admonish them for their disruptive behavior, only to be observed moments later contributing to the noise. Sharples also said that other patrons were visibly frustrated and began to leave. The perpetrators appeared to be aloof of their actions, laughing and conversing about meaningless subjects, all the while well-intentioned artists tried to master their craft. “It eventually became too much, I just lost it and gathered all my belongings and left. I had planned on being there for a couple of hours but it ended up being just fifteen minutes!” continued Sharples. When asked if he would return to the coffeehouse, Sharples said that he would have to think cautiously about it before going back.

It is believed that the aforementioned group of men have departed from the coffeehouse, but no one interviewed knew if the men would return.

more news:

  • Daniel Sharples claims he will update blog more frequently…
  • Paris Hilton shows off prison tattoo to uninterested crowd…
  • George W. Bush states that he loves the English Channel, but doesn’t have cable television…


Filed under ramblings

6 responses to “In the News: Raucous Old Men Invade Beloved Coffeehouse (other updates included)

  1. who would have known you have such a talent for journalism! this goes right along with the common conception that the news is just too sad to watch/hear. next time, go prepared with bingo dobbers, and just throw them at the elderly. i hear that works pretty well..

  2. did you come up with that last G-dub quib on your own? you should be a comedian.

    i like the satire. you should be a columnist.

    when’re you coming to CO Springs?

  3. Anonymous

    dude, this is pretty low, just cause i was in the coffee shop the other day with a few of my buddies from the bache ball club having a good time, doesn’t mean you have to be all passive aggressive and fabricate a fictional news story, you could have just told me to quiet it down


  4. I tried yelling at you, but I think your hearing aid was turned down low

  5. field report (june 24, 2007): it is so freaking loud in here!! i thought, “you know, i could use a change of pace, a change of scenery. I’ll try cherry street.”

    what a mistake. many may try – but shades is the place to be.

    max time accomplished: 15 minutes..

    over and OUT!

  6. OldTurkey

    Older Men usually talk louder when the batteries on their hearing aids are just about to totally fad…

    Being verbose and antimated is part of age and a life time of talking with your hands…a confind space makes the voice go up verse the hand motions…

    It is totally genetic…and generic…

    Being an Old Turkey I even type more in CAPS…

    Just because the words are easier to C…

    You younger writers stay calm, old turkeys seldom visit the same place twice…otherwise they would have to leave a tip…

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