Della informed me that I was not blogging since my last post was an On This Day In History. I accept her challenge to do so even though my life has been too busy and confusing and stressful as of late to permit me to write as I would like.
So here is my official post :
Regret. Do you have some yourself? When I was younger, I didn’t regret anything I did or said. My reasoning behind this was : If I said or did anything that hurt myself or others, there must have been some God-ordained reason why I did what I did. In a sense it was not me acting, it was someone else orchestrating the events of my life. I had no free will in the process. In one sense, I used to be a Calvinist on some primitive level without understanding what I was articulating. I do not believe this anymore. I think God lets us play a role in what happens on this earth (that doesn’t mean I am an Open Theist, Arminian, Deist, nor does it mean that God does not interact and intervene in my life or the life of this world).
Clearly, this position is not articulated well and please be patient as I try to work it out in my life. I just think there are certain things I have done and said that I would take back in an instant ( much of this has happened recently) simply because I do not understand the reason for their existence in my life or others around me. I have hurt others in a way that may never be reconciled, and I struggle with that. And I think there are better ways of going about things the way I did (hindsight is a killer). There are events and instances in my life where I firmly believe that my will was in stark contrast to the will of God. Does this mean God can’t turn it into good? I think God can. Does God have me go through this pain and anguish for a reason? I am not so sure anymore but probably yes. So who makes the final choice in life events? That is still the question. The explanation of individual pain helps me on the minor scale. But what about tsunami victims? What about AIDS in Africa? Is this pain and struggle a lesson to be learned? Would you really tell this to a victim of either one of these tragedies?
All of this to say that I do regret now. I wish I could take back things that I said and did. I wish I was a different person, a better man, made wiser decisions. To those who I have hurt in my life I am truly sorry for everything. Later …