Europe Journal Entry 4: Dublin

It is Wednesday, October 17th 2007. I slept in until noon today, and as I wake I can taste the previous night’s cigarettes in my mouth. It has been months since I smoked one let alone two, but the French girls Charley and I hung out with smoked frequently so we decided to indulge them a bit. Though I have slept late in the day, it has not been without interruption. At one point I awoke to one of the French girls whispering my name and asking me to stop snoring so loudly! “You’ve slept for three hours! Now let us sleep for three hours!” It was quite funny and embarrassing at the same time. They were kind about it. I gently turn on my side and hope that my snoring subsides. When I wake up at twelve the girls are gone, they drove to Galway that morning. Charley and I should have gone with them, they hinted at us going but we hesitated. But we finally make a day of it and join up with Chad for a walk through the city.

We walk through the Temple Bar discrict, Grafton Street, around Trinity College and to the south of Dublin. We stop to watch some football and get some beer and coffee at a pub. We tried to get into St. Patrick’s Cathedral but they had some special service going on, disappointing but then we sit in the park right next to it and hang out. The sun is setting in the West and the rays shine through the trees to create a contrast of light and dark on the grass and pavement that at once feels warm even though a cool breeze moves all around us. As we head back towards our hostel, we pass by Christ Church Cathedral, which is the oldest church in Dublin. It is 5:30 in the evening so we decide to step in for an evensong service. The choir begins to sing, and this ancient church reminds me that people have walked many miles in their lives and have hopefully encountered the divine in the same space where I now pause to raise my ear in hopes of at least hearing a whisper. I have more hope today that people can genuinely reflect the nature of God at times in life, and I see in the hostels that people just want to meet other people and to know that they are not crazy in their loneliness. I find myself wanting to hear someone else’s story, where they came from, how they view life, and where they want to go next. I want to tell my story too, to provide a small glimpse into my little world, my customs, my oddities.

Before we get to the hostel, we stop in at a market and buy some food supplies for our dinner meal. We decide on spaghetti. Cheap, quick, and it serves a lot. It is the best meal I have had in a long time. Miles of walking will create unrelenting hunger. And so we stuff ourselves, and yet we have some left over for our new friend Sako, a Japanese girl who was cooking food alongside us. She burned the rice she was making so it works out perfect. She sits at our table and talks with us awhile and tells us about how work at a local coffee shop was going. She loves Japan but wanted a new experience, and Ireland seemed intriguing to her. After dinner, we invite Sako out with us for a few drinks and to listen to some music. We travel to the outskirts of the Temple Bar area and encounter this small pub and overhear a musician inside playing some American pop music on his acoustic guitar. As we approach the door, a big Irishman with broad shoulders steps in my way. “There is a cover” he says shortly with a stern manner. I look back to the group in confusion and go to grab my wallet and as I turn back the man’s shoulders fall and he begins to laugh hysterically. “Just kiddin’ man, come on in!” I laugh nervously but it was a funny moment. The people here so far are just genuinely friendly, and in this short encounter I realize that Dublin feels comfortable, it fits me better than I had previously assumed. The Guiness begins to flow from the tap and falls into our glasses, which eventually fills our stomachs. And we sat back and enjoy a good show by the young singer in the corner covering Dave Matthews, David Gray, and U2 tunes.

Tomorrow we leave for Sevilla. I am a little nervous to be going to Spain. I wonder how the language barrier will be. But this trip is already about taking risks, about getting outside of the comfort zones we defend ourselves with. And as scary as it can get, I still find moments of comfort. And the way I make sense of it is that God is indeed full of grace.

Personal Narratives

I recently read this article by essayist Alan Jacobs on the issue of personal narratives as a witness to God’s activity in history. Jacobs’ main argument is that as the church is moving towards more of a narrative theology and a hermeneutic that is “ecclesiocentric” in nature, there is a minimizing of the value of personal “testimonies” as a way of proclaiming the movement of God in individual lives. In other words, the stories of the individuals in a congregation only cohere and are given their fullest expression when woven into the fabric of the church as a whole. In many ways, this paradigm shift is a counter approach to the hyper-individualism that has taken place in Western civilization, and what we are seeing now are attempts at restoring communal aspects that have been lost in our culture. However, as much as there is a desire to reconnect people with finding meaning and purpose in their local church, there is a fear that their own personal journeys will be lost in relation to the community at large.

Jacobs mentions one form of personal storytelling that has remained constant in the Protestant church, the individual “testimony”. Many who have sat in a church service or a small group Bible study know that at times individuals are given opportunities to tell their own story and to articulate how God has moved in their lives. This is often used a method for leading people to conversion or at least witnessing to the fact that God does indeed engage in the lives of individuals. In many ways this has furthered the idea of self-discovery and has produced a flourishing business for books, tapes, videos and journals allowing others to find out the meaning in their own stories. The problems that can be created out of this are such things as narcissism, sentimentality, and the desire to find truth for oneself but have little advice for one’s neighbor. A key example is the use of “journaling” that is promoted by some.

There is hope for those wanting to make sense of their personal stories whilst not falling into strictly ”ecclesiocentric” or personal narratives. Jacobs offers three key examples: the Puritans use of the personal diary or journal as a way of framing one’s life to see patterns in their faith journey; the idea promoted by Walter Benjamin, that our stories should provide counsel and wisdom for others; and Augustine’s thoughts in his Confessions that reflecting on our lives can lead to repentance in the present and hope for the future. In respect to the faculty of memory, Jacobs provides insight from Kierkegaard to warn us that as much as we reflect backwards, our present lives move forwards and so our memory is shaky and thus our interpretative process is also being newly transformed, thus we are called to revise and rethink our narratives constantly in the desire that we may ourselves more truthfully. And though we may encounter problems or obstacles as we long to describe our journeys, we as Christians should not abandon personal testimony. As long as it serves to help us “frame” our lives better, offers counsel and wisdom to its hearers, and helps us to repent and hope more often, Jacobs believes we should promote the existence and usefulness of the personal narrative, not as an abandonment of narrative theology in relation to the church, but as a key component in the overall proclamation of the gospel.

 I would be interested to hear what you all think about this?

Post-Easter Reflection

“To participate in resurrection, one first must be dead.” – Wendell Berry, “The Rejected Husband” in Given: Poems

 The other night I read that section in Romans where Paul takes on resurrection and lets his readers know up front that if they are to be part of Christ’s resurrection, they have to share in his death too. And although in terms of eschatology this does take a literal form, the metaphors Paul employed were given to highlight the seriousness of what it means to follow Christ wherever he goes.  Jesus himself puts Peter on the spot when he confronts him on the limitations of his discipleship, and at once Peter recognizes that there are many places where he is hesitant to follow Christ. And it is into these places that Christ calls me to question, and I must explore them truthfully if I am to “count the cost” of my own discipleship. Where are the places in my life that Christ is calling me to die to? There are so many places in my life that Christ has not been resurrected into, and what I believe God is leading me to do is learn how to die in these places. To realize that it is not by my own power, but by the power of the resurrected Christ that I truly find real life.

And as beautiful as that language can sound at times, what that really means in the grit of my own life is that things must changes, in fact all things must change. Not just how I relate to God and to others in the broad spectrum of life, but in how I manage my time, how I spend my money, what I entertain myself with, what I read, etc. It is all discipleship, and every moment can be a moment to experience grace. The realization is that I must listen, must be attentive, must be awake to it. It is about presence. Am I present in my interactions with others; at the bookstore? at work? at home?

And what Easter does for me is confirm the fact that Christ longs to be present in my life, that in the beginning the Word created the world, and at one point entered into it and in turn changed the course of history, with the result that we might experience the richness of him and his glory all the more. It is out of this that I am called to be more present in the lives of others and in my own life.

Peace

D

Journal Entry 3: Chicago and Dublin

— This next post comprises two entries that I made in Chicago the night we left and my first day in Dublin, Ireland. We took an overnight flight from Chicago and landed in Dublin in the early hours, as I can recall a little after 6 in the morning. It was a great flight actually, surprisingly comfortable and hassle free, but I didn’t get much sleep so I was exhausted once we hit Ireland. So here it is accompanied by some photos I took. Peace and enjoy…

” 10-15/16-07   Long day today,began in Chicago, where we spent a couple of hours at the Art Institute and for the first time saw with my own eyes the works of Van Gogh, Degas, Kandinsky, and Picasso. It literally brought tears to my eyes to see the vividness of the colors presented by Van Gogh. The self portraits, the broad strokes, the blues and yellows. It is almost as if they did not exist until I saw them with my own eyes, that they were just illusions in books and on television. Everything so far has gone rather smoothly, it is surprising and scary at the same time. I can’t get past the interconnectedness of this trip thus far, seeing an old friend (I had ran into my friend Justin in St. Louis), running into the Irish couple on the streets of downtown Chicago, meeting the filmmaker on the plane whose husband is from Norman. This world is incredibly huge and yet it is so small at the same time. I’m not sure if I’ve done anything thus far that has ever felt like God was so present and active in.

As we get into Dublin, I am groggy and walking as if I am a zombie. I stagger through customs and we find a bus that takes us to the Temple Bar area. That is where our hostel is, and that is where I lay my head down first. I fall asleep in the commons area and I sleep for hours, and finally I wake up to people all around me. Most of them smile at me and nod at Charley who is snoring loudly. I wake him up and Chad comes in, we are hungry and we want to walk around to see Dublin.

Chad booked his room earlier than Charley and I do so we are actually separated. Two French girls walk into the room and we introduce ourselves, I can’t even pronounce their names but they ask us if we want to smoke, and even though neither of us do, we oblige and decide to get a beer with them. The film Lost in Translation instantly comes to my mind, for though these girls speak English, it is very broken at times and so we all stumble over what to say and how to say it. We talk about stereotypes, ours of the French, and what theirs are for Americans. We buy a round of beers and they return the favor, it is a very fun time, sitting back and interacting with these girls, drinking a beer with my friend Charley, and being in a different country. We laugh and live, and again I feel a sense of peace.

Discipline

This word is somewhat loaded for me. I think that when I hear it I get a mental image of someone who is either punishing themselves physically or sitting in a cramped library with stacks of books around them and trying diligently to study and prepare for a big test. Basically it is a painful word for me, and I think that when it comes to my own life I often run as fast as I can mentally to get away from actually trying to incorporate discipline in my own life.

But the more I actually attempt to set some boundaries with myself, especially in regards to managing my time and trying to create time to do things like writing, I realize how much more I need some structure in my life. Now, there are of course  extremes to this and so many of us do not sit well with living in between being “free” with our time and giving organization to it. However I do feel that I have to make some more attempts to be more strident in creating some type of structure, because the things I say I really want to do (write, read, plan for grad school), I really am not committing to much so I need to allow myself some time to do these things. I am just kind of writing stream of consciousness here but I hope it makes sense. I am hoping to be more committed to blogging as well, and I need you to hold me accountable! OK, that is all for now…

Some Photos From Eurotrip

Here are a few photos to bide some time until the next journal entry. Take a look…

 

Journal Entry 2: Chicago

This is my second entry of my journal while I travelled. At this point I am still in Chicago where we spent a full day before departing on our flight to Dublin. So after this everthing will concern my time in Europe, but I wanted to add one more entry that expressed what was going on within me before we left. Sorry for the delay, but due to the ice storm in Oklahoma internet has been a privelage that was not always readily available. Enjoy…

—October 14, 2007. Today we left for Chicago, part of the way Charlie and I talked again about life in general, about how we are just so confused. There really is no sense of normality, and I am not sure if there ever was. I started to feel tired, and I could tell Chad was feeling a little isolated in the backseat, so after we had a lunch break I let him get up front, and I laid down and got my iPod out to listen to some Bob Dylan. Dylan is almost like a ghost to me at this point, I always hear people talking about him, paying their homages and tributes, and articulating how he influenced them. So before I left, I bought some of his music and decided I would give it a try. I start out with the familiar “Like A Rolling Stone”, then move to “My Back Pages”, “Lay, Lady, Lay”, “Gotta Serve Somebody”, and end up at “Make You Feel My Love”. His voice is not the most appealing, but the words hypnotize me, and slowly I find myself drawn into the story that he is weaving together through song.

I check my phone to see if friends have called, wishing me well and telling me their last goodbyes. But nothing is there and I start doubting the vailidity of all the people I’ve binded myself to. How often I gauge my relationships based on text messages and voicemails, missed calls and call times. Its ridiculous when you really think about it. After a small nap, I rise in a daze and start to see the skyline of Chicago from afar. Its amazing really, somehow I recall Dorothy when she saw Oz for the first time, the way it glistened compared to the sky around it. It is proud, upright, inviting. We drive past Navy Pier and then into downtown. We eat at Uno’s Pizzeria, walk the streets, and the time seems to pass so slow. The city is on display for us, and while it is huge it also is vulnerable, quietly showing us more of itself.

I don’t want to lie to myself or others, I want to be who I am and free of my fears. There are so many fears that need to be addressed. I want to be free to take them on, to deal with them and be changed by the fight. I think that this trip is part of the battle in three acts; actually planning it and committing to it is the first part, the second part is the actual lived experience of it, and the final act is the return home, to come back and see how I’ve grown from it all. It is with a prayer of hope that I write these words. We will see what happens…

Journal Entry 1: The Journey Begins

 

As I promised earlier, here is the beginning journal entry for my European trip. Parts of it I have left intact, exposing some inner thoughts and desires that I was experiencing at the time in the rawness of the moment. Other parts I have chosen to clean up a bit,  because the language was grammatically wrong or incoherent. Some things have been omitted, but at the same time I have added more insight and feeling into some moments to give more depth and clarity, for both the reader and myself. I hope for the few that read this that it will serve to at least get a closer look into my little universe while I was eagerly awaiting  to get to Europe. I will try to post a journal entry at least twice a week for the time being until I decide that it has been too much. Peace and enjoy…

The Return…

It has now been ten days since my official return to the United States from my European vacation. I have told several people that I would blog some of my journal entries during my trip and include some photos. I might start later today but if not I will definitely start posting within the next few days. I need to clean up the entries a bit, they are a little raw at the moment. Not like there is extreme use of obscenities or anything, its just that I can’t handle bad writing, and so I need to make sure they are more prepared for readers so that they are actually coherent. Well, hope to post soon…

Going to Europe!!!

I know its been a long while since I posted a blog, but part of the reason for the silence is because over the last few weeks I have been planning a trip to western Europe with my friend Charley and Chad. And as of this past Sunday night, we have officially booked a flight to Europe! We’ll be flying into Dublin actually and spending a couple of days in Ireland, and from there we will actually get onto the continent and fly into Rome. The trip will last almost five weeks and we are basically backpacking the whole way, taking the trains across countries, staying in hostels, walking the streets. This is a trip I have wanted to go on for years now and the fact that it is actually beginning to happen is extremely exciting and at the same time scary. As much as this is going to be a personal journey and also a time for bonding with friends, I believe that there is a huge spiritual pilgrimage that is awaiting me there as I travel for over a month.

Part of the desire to travel and spend an extended time in Europe comes out of the longing to get away from the normal distractions and responsibilities that pervade my life, if just for a little while. I idea that I will not check my email inbox everyday, to see if I have any new text messages or missed calls on my cell phone, to not worry about what is going on at work and if the people around me love me, all the things that take up a lot of my time will be put away for awhile and it will be just me and my friends experiencing new things and meeting new people. I plan on journaling everyday and depending on how personal they get, I might post some of my entries on the blog. I’ve actually thought about composing a book one day based on my experience there. I think that as much I write this blog in order to tell you the good news in my life, I also use it as a prayer for God to move in my life and show me his love ever again, to experience who he is as I go on this journey.

Amen

 — Daniel